“Look, just listen while I explain my plot to you,” Fortunato said over the intercom.
“This really is like a death trap,” Regan said.
“Right up until you get to the part where we’re supposed to be helpless in his power,” Lilliana said.
“In my power? No,” Fortunato said. “But helpless? Yes. So unless you plan on plugging your ears and going ‘tra la la’… which, I point out, would not be the least mature thing you’ve done in your misguided and juvenile attempts to get back at me… then you don’t really have much choice but to listen. Now, as you have already inferred, I am not able to run the Fickle Finger with the same…”
“Regan, would you like to tell me a story?” Lilliana said lightly.
“What… really?” Regan said. “I mean, seriously?”
“Hold on, this is important!” Fortunato said. “The Soprano’s men will be…”
“Seriously, any story,” Lilliana said. “As long as it’s not about vampires.”
“Well, I, er… I don’t suppose I have ever told ya about me first visit to Nova Terra, have I?”
“Oh, no, I don’t think you have,” Lilliana said. “Sounds fascinating. Do go on, please.”
“Oh, yeah, fascinatin’,” Regan said. “Fascinatin’ isn’t even the word, like. Ya see, this would’ve been comin’ on the heels o’ me stint in the pirate fleets. Me half-brothers are pirate kings, ya know… ya’ll have heard o’ em, to be sure: the mad one an’ the bloody one.”
“Morning roll call must be an interesting time in Hibernian classrooms,” Leo said.
“Anyway, the pirates was in bad shape when I joined. The Unified Navy had ‘em pushed to the brink an’ a little beyond it, to the part that’s like teeterin’ half off the edge an’ ya have to balance just right or ya’ll fall over. But with me own keen strategic mind an’ keen eye for opportunity, we beat the bastards back. It wasn’t long at all before…”
“Lilliana, this is beneath you,” Fortunato said.
“Go on, Bard,” Lilliana said.
“Well, it wasn’t long at all before all the challenge was gone from piratin’, so I decided to give the other side a boost, in the interest o’ fairness, an’ to make a long story short I… well, actually, before that was the battle with the sphinx. That’s really more o’ a digression, but it helps put the later stuff into context. I don’t know if I should tell ya the story about the sphinx or skip straight to Nova Terra.”
“Let’s hear about the sphinx,” Lilliana said. “We’ve got nothing but time.”
“Right, so, at that time the only route into Sol was…”
“Hold on,” Leo said. “Sol is a stellar system, not a remote mountain valley. It’s outer space. It’s made out of routes.”
“Right, an’ the only one into Sol was bein’ terrorized by a fierce and ancient beastie o’ Old Earth,” Regan said. “A terrible thing with the wings o’ an lion, the face o’ an eagle, the body o’ a snake, an’ a woman for… wait, let me start again.”
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