“We what?” Leo said.
“I don’t believe I’m familiar with the term, like,” Regan said.
“Seriously,” Lilliana said, stretching her hands out even higher. “For real. We surrender… all three of us… to your authority.”
“Why are we surrendering?” Leo asked. “I mean, apart from the fact that we’re pretty much surrounded and outnumbered and they have power armor and… you know, I talked myself into it.” He raised his paws over his head. “I surrender, too.”
“I don’t,” Regan said.
“It’s a clever ruse,” Lilliana told her.
“Then I do!” Regan said.
The captain stared at them, utterly bewildered.
“I have no idea what’s going on…” he said.
“We appreciate the honesty,” Leo said. “It’s so refreshing and rare in a higher officer.”
“…but if you think you can expect mercy because you surrendered when forced into a corner, you are in for a disappointing surprise,” he said. “Ms. Lilliana Cortana Corsair of planet Daniel Shays, Mr. Leo Parda of planet Daniel Shays, Designate Regan Bard of planet Nova Hibernia, you are all in custody. This is a private station, privately owned, and there are no courts here and the lawyers are all here to drink and gamble. You are solely under my authority, and I intend to see you penalized to the fullest extent possible for your gross transgressions and the insults I have been paid today.”
“If I un-surrender, is it possible I could be given a brief head start?” Leo asked, lowering his arms. “Say, ten minutes?”
“Sergeant, you and three men will escort these malefactors to their ship,” the captain said.
“Oh, well, if that’s the fullest extent, then consider me re-surrendered,” Leo said, raising them again.
“And I don’t want to see any of you back on casino grounds again,” the captain continued. “Your designations and identifying information will be added to the black book. Once entered into the book, you will be permanently enjoined from entering any affiliated casino… which is any casino where the games aren’t completely fixed. Tough luck, as it were, but that’s it… you’re barred.”
“Er, I know I am,” Regan said.
“Wait… what?” Leo said. “I un-surrender. I un-surrender!”
“It beats the alternative,” Lilliana said.
“No, it doesn’t,” Leo said. He turned to the captain. “You’re never going to take me alive.”
“Look, it doesn’t matter if you surrender or not, you’re still going in the book,” the captain said. “You’re still barred.”
“He isn’t,” Regan said.
“Oh, yes, he is,” the captain said.
“He’s the Cat.”
“I don’t care who he is,” the captain said. “I say he’s barred.”
“And I say you’re twitched in the head,” Regan said. “He is not.”
“Can we please not turn this into an Abby Costello routine?” Lilliana said. “B-a-r-r-e-d.”
“Which, o’ course, would have to spell…?” Regan asked.
“BARRED!” the captain roared.
“I’m standing RIGHT HERE!” Regan roared back.
“That’s enough of this,” the captain said. “Stun the prince, carry her back to the ship with the others, they’re all barred.”
“Then how are ya gonna know which one to shoot?” Regan asked.
“I can’t believe this,” Leo said. “My career is over.”
“What career? Ya get paid to sleep on top o’ the cargo hold,” Regan said.
“That’s more of a hobby than anything else,” Leo said.
“And it’s not actually what you get paid for,” Lilliana said. “I’ll point out that if you were back at the ship doing your job, you wouldn’t be barred now.”
“He isn’t now,” Regan said. “I am. He’s the Cat. Hello, the Gypsy… is everyone under some kind o’ spell or somethin’?”
The confusion was not cleared up so much as interrupted, by the arrival of the black armored squad that had been pursuing them.
“You may stand down, gentlebeings,” the captain of HAZARD squad said. “We have the situation under control.”
“You will surrender the prisoners to our authority,” the HAVOC squad leader said.
“Space I will!” the captain said. “Their initial transgressions were committed on HAZARD soil. This is a HAZARD matter and it is being dealt with by HAZARD.”
“Point o’ interest?” Regan said. “My initial transgressions were committed on Hibernian soil. Well, actually they were committed on a girl named Deirdre. Though I may have committed some on meself, prior to that. Girls will be boys, an’ all that.”
Neither of the two groups of troopers were listening to her, though, as their commanding officers got into a heated debate about territories and jurisdictions.
“This would be the part where we slip away while they argue over what to do with us, yes?” Leo whispered to Lilliana.
“They aren’t going to forget to put us in the book,” Lilliana said. “In point of fact, it’s probably already been updated with our identities.”
“Yes, but if we slip away, we will still be, ipso facto, away,” Leo said.
“We don’t want to be away,” Lilliana said. “If we’re away, we’ll just be chased down again. What we want is to be back on our ship, and the side that has us wants to put us there. If we run, the squad that catches us could be working for Fortunato instead of following casino protocols.”
“So, it’s a case of the hand around the bird being better than two rooting around in the bush,” Leo said.
“In a manner of speaking,” Lilliana said.
“That’s ridiculous,” Regan said. “Anybody who’s ever laid hands on a bird knows you only need one for the bush.”
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