As the sounds of panic and chaos on La Franja died down and the virtual city of The Meadows turned into a virtual ghost town, Lilliana heaved a disgusted sigh.
“I don’t suppose you’ve rigged anything else to blow around here, Bard?” she asked.
“Just me virtue,” Regan said. “An’ I don’t much feel like settin’ that off right now, if it’s all o’ one piece to ya.”
“I need a drink,” Lilliana said.
“Go for it,” Regan said. “I think it’s self-service, like.”
“Why can’t I get in?” Leo asked. “I’m an Iridium Club member. You want to see my chip?”
“I’m very sorry, sir… The Meadows is in lockdown right now for a scheduled counterterrorism simulation,” the hostess said. “Nobody’s getting in or out. Not even our Rhodium Club members are getting in. But if you’d care to visit one of our other many establishments…”
“I don’t want to visit one of your other many establishments,” Leo said. “Do you know how long I’ve waited to come to The Meadows? We never come to the Finger. Ever. We’ve been trawling back and forth through this patch of nothing for years and this is the first time and… wait, there’s a Rhodium Club now?”
“Oh, yes, sir. There is.”
“Since when?”
“Since our Iridium Club was determined to not be exclusive enough to meet the needs of our clients.”
“Oh, well… how do I join that.?”
“You don’t.”
“Invitation only, huh?” Leo asked. “Who can get me an invitation?”
“Nobody,” she said.
“Don’t tell me that,” Leo said. “I know people, sweetheart. My drinking buddy is a crown prince. I work for a planet. If he can’t swing an invite, he’ll know somebody who can.”
“I’m afraid he won’t. Nobody can get you an invitation.”
“Then how does it work, exactly?”
“I told you how it works,” she said. “You can’t get in.”
“It’s because I’m transgenic, isn’t it?” Leo asked. “Look, I know I’ve had a lot of work done but I’m ninety-seven point two percent human, genetically.”
“It isn’t that, sir. It’s like I told you, the Rhodium Club is very exclusive,” she said. “It is, in fact, the most exclusive Player’s Club in the galaxy.”
“How could I qualify?”
“You couldn’t,” she said. “It’s not possible.”
“Okay, fine, you don’t think I’m Rhodium material,” Leo said. “I’ll grant you that I probably am not. God knows my melting point is low enough, and I’d probably dissolve in aqua regia… but let’s say hypothetically. What would have to be different about me for me to qualify?”
“Everything,” she said. “And even that wouldn’t be enough.”
“Honey, you aren’t talking sense,” Leo said. “Is this club a real thing, or are you putting me on?”
“Oh, it’s very real,” she said. “It’s just impossible to join.”
“It does have members, though?”
“No, sir,” she said.
Leo stared at her. She smiled plastically back at him.
“Why not?” he saied.
“Nobody is qualified,” she clarified.
“Then what the hell is the point of having it?” he asked.
“Well, a club that exclusive carries a lot of cachet, doesn’t it?” she said. “And also, when an Iridium Club member complains about something being unavailable, I can tell them—in perfect honesty—that the Rhodium Club members don’t get it, either.”
“They don’t get anything because they don’t exist!”
“Exactly, sir.”
“Then how can you call it a club?” Leo asked. “You can’t have a club without members. It’s the members that make it a club.”
“No, sir, it’s the by-laws which make it a club,” she said. “Number two, to be specific, which states ‘The Rhodium Players’ Club is a club available to all guests except those who possess a qualifying disqualification as outlined in item number one.’”
“And what does item number one say?”
“It forbids membership to anybody who exists now, or ever has existed,” she said.
“Well, that’s only two kinds of people, isn’t it?” Leo said sarcastically. “Not terribly exclusive, then.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” the hostess said. “Would you like to speak with a gen…”
”I do not want to speak with a genderless cloud of spores!” Leo said. “I want to gamble at The Meadows. I want to sip a margaret and listen to Viejo de los Ojos Azules while making an obscene amount of money at an authentic vintage recreation craps table.”
The hostess sighed.
“Have you considered visiting the Lady? It’s just as prestigious as The Meadows, I can assure you.”
“It isn’t, but I guess I don’t have a choice, do I?” Leo said. “Any chance I can swing a free room for the night, anyway?”
“I can give you a punch card for membership in the Rhodium Club,” she said.
“But you just said…” Leo said.
She pulled out something that looked like a twisted bracelet, with little boxes on it. She unfolded it as much as could be done and he saw that it was a Moebius strip.
“You simply have the next box scanned every time you visit and when you get to the end…”
“Never mind,” Leo said, and he turned and stalked away. “If you can’t give me satisfaction, I’ll find somebody who can.”
« « 52: Relative Concerns 54: The Man, The Myth » »Note: I'm trying out a new comment system. It's new and subject to jiggerypokery. It's moderated. Detailed guidelines to come but follow the general rule: be excellent to each other.
If you enjoy reading, please consider a financial contribution.
« « 52: Relative Concerns 54: The Man, The Myth » »