“I’m startin’ think we’re bein’ played here, the Gypsy,” Regan said to Lilliana as they sat at the bar table, Lilliana eyeing the plate of quesadillas Regan had ordered. She’d repeatedly insisted that it was a mistake to redeem the chit and that she would have nothing to do with anything that came of it.
“Of course we’re being played,” she said. “It’s what Fortunato does. You really shouldn’t be eating that.”
“I mean, a voucher for drinks an’ an appetizer… if ya order an appetizer, ya’re bound to be after a meal before too long, right?” Regan said. “Otherwise, it’s not an appetizer, just a snack. And then ya have to order another drink to go with the meal. See how they get ya? It’s insidious, is what it is.”
“Oh, shut up,” Lilliana said, putting her head down on the table. “I know Fortunato is toying with me. I just don’t understand what his game is.”
“While ya sit here an’ puzzle that out, I’m gonna go succumb to the evil machinations,” Regan said.
She jumped down off her stool and strode over to the bar, where she struck up a conversation with the bartender. Lilliana couldn’t hear what they were saying but after a moment Regan pointed for and was handed a succession of bottles from the back shelf and a drink shaker. She shook her head derisively at some of them and handed them back, nodded approvingly at others and lectured the bartender as she proceeded to mix like a madwoman, her hands a blur as she added a splash of this and a bit of that.
Lilliana watched, trying not to let herself feel amused as she watched the mechanic at work.
“Can’t believe he didn’t know how to make a Stern Talking-To From The Archbishop Followed By A Vigorous Spanking In The Rectory,” Regan said to Lilliana when she returned to the table, bearing an oversized margarita glass full of a doubtful-looking green liquid. Bubbles formed on its surface and sank to the bottom and it emitted a faint whistling sound. “How long ya suppose he’s been a bartender, then?”
“Regan, you aren’t honestly going to drink that, are you?” Lilliana asked. “Some of those liquors can’t have been intended for human consumption.”
“Sure they aren’t, but if ya mix ‘em just right, it all cancels out,” Regan said, though she pushed the drink into the middle of the table.
“You aren’t drinking it, then,” Lilliana said.
“Just waitin’ for it to turn purple, like,” Regan said.
“If it turns purple, I’ll drink it,” Lilliana said.
“Hey, get yer own!” Regan said. “Ya had a shot at a freebie already an’ ya passed it up. I tell ya, ya ought to relax an’ forget about this whole thing with the Bastard. Do ya see me tryin’ to be the center o’ attention all the time? I mean, here I stand, the exiled prince of Nova Hibernia an’ I’m not standin’ on ceremony, expectin’ them to roll out the red carpet…”
“Oh, don’t start. It isn’t like you never…” Lilliana trailed off. She raised her head, her eyes practically glowing. “Wait. That’s it… Regan, you’re a genius!”
“I keep tellin’ people that, like,” Regan said, shoving another segment of quesadilla into her mouth and talking around it. “But nobody wants to believe me.”
“Is your chastity bomb active?”
Regan’s eye flicked downward.
“What, ya want me to check?” she asked.
“Even without your arsenal, you shouldn’t be able to walk into a place with this much security without being stopped,” Lilliana said. “If they didn’t pull you aside to check out the bomb, it can only be because they checked out your diplomatic status first, in which case somebody would have pulled you aside to give you the VIP treatment. But they didn’t… they treated you like any other guest. That’s not right.”
“Are ya sayin’ I should pull the ‘Don’t ya know who I am?’ bit and see if I can get us a couple o’ more vouchers or a room for the night?” Regan asked.
“No, but don’t you see?” Lilliana asked. “If they ignored you, it can only be because Fortunato sent down instructions that I was to be left alone.”
“Oh, right,” Regan said. She sighed. “So we’re back to everythin’ bein’ about the Gypsy, then.”
“Don’t you get it, Bard? I thought Fortunato wasn’t paying attention to me… but he isn’t. He’s ignoring me.”
“So glad we’ve got that cleared up, then,” Regan said.
“Now I just have to figure out why he would do that in the first place,” Lilliana said. “What does he gain by ignoring me? What possible advantage could it confer upon him? Whatever it is, it’s bound to be insanely devious and complicated.”
“Couldn’t be a trick to get ya all worked up over nothin’,” Regan said. “Couldn’t be he’s watchin’ ya right now and gettin’ off on the idea that it’s drivin’ ya crazy thinkin’ he couldn’t care less if ya live or die.”
“Oh, you make it sound like I’m still hung up on the jackass,” Lilliana said derisively. “Do you really think he’s getting off, though?”
“Figure o’ speech,” Regan said. “But, probably. If ya want to be sure, o’ course, ya could start takin’ off yer clothes.”
Lilliana scowled.
“Well, that’s enough moping… or it would be, if I were moping,” she said. “But now that he’s made his move…”
“By not movin’ at all, naturally.”
“…that means the ball’s in my court,” Lilliana said. “What we need to do is something that would be sure to get attention, to force him to make an overt move.”
“Point o’ interest? Takin’ off yer clothes would do that,” Regan said.
“I’m not taking off my clothes, Bard. You can forget about that.”
“This is why I’d rather work with the Slut,” Regan said.
“Yes, well, unfortunately for you, she isn’t… wait,” Lilliana said. She touched her earring and opened up the communication link. “Dick?”
“Twat,” Regan responded.
“Shh.”
“What happened to radio silence?” Dick asked through the line.
“Doesn’t matter now,” she said. “Is Galatea on board?”
“I’ll check.” There was a pause. A short time later, he came back on the line. “Yes, Lilliana. Crewmember Adams is on board.”
“I need you to send her to me.”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Lilliana,” Dick replied.
“Why not?”
“She has a twenty-eight hour universal ban from the entire complex after being arrested for aggravated indecent exposure.”
“Aggravated?” Lilliana asked. “What the hell did she… oh, don’t answer that. Please don’t answer that.”
“I couldn’t,” Dick said. “Seventeen pages of the incident report were redacted.”
“We landed less than an hour ago,” Lilliana said. “What did she do that takes seventeen pages to describe?”
“I thought you didn’t want to know.”
“If you were anybody else on the crew, I’d say you were making this up to aggravate me,” Lilliana said. “Knowing that you’re not just makes my head hurt.”
“Is this something somebody else could help you with?” Dick asked.
“Do you feel like having sex with a slot machine in full view of the public?”
“No.”
“Then no,” Lilliana said. “I think we’ll just head back to the ship and come up with something else… this exercise is becoming more and more pointless.”
“Alright,” Dick said.
She closed the connection.
“Ya know, I feel like ya haven’t given the ‘the Gypsy gets naked’ plan full an’ proper consideration,” Regan said. “At least hear me out.”
“Regan, Fortunato wants to make a fool out of me… I’m not about to give him any more help today,” she said. “Finish your… concoction and we’ll… no, actually, wait.”
“Ya keep tellin’ me to wait, but I’m not goin’ anywhere,” Regan said.
“Regan, how hard would it be for you to rig something to explode?”
“What, you mean somethin’ else?” Regan asked.
The liquid in the glass turned purple.
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